29 Things Nobody Told You About Australia

1. The spiders aren’t literally waiting for you at the airport. Nor are they everywhere you look.

2. They don’t have a coin smaller than 5 cents, even though things are still strategically priced at $1.99. If you paid with a $2 coin, don’t wait for change. You will be disappointed. On the plus side, their notes won’t rip, even if they do look like Monopoly money.

3. Not everywhere is hot.Β They even wear COATS.

4. A 24 hour flight isn’t as bad as it sounds. Honestly. It may fill you with fear and dread, but really, a couple of movies, a few cat naps, flick through a book or magazine, some new music on your iPhone, and its over in a flash.

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5. The jet lag, on the other hand, is as bad as you think. Actually, its probably worse. 5am will become a familiar time of day.

6. The legal requirement for all establishments serving food and drink to have a public bathroom doesn’t apply here. After skulling a large Coke at McDonalds, I learned the hard way.

7. They have an absolutely MASSIVE range of chocolate that you’ll never have seen in the UK. And they have freddos in every flavour possible.

8. The aforementioned chocolate, is however, extremely expensive. $3.30 for a KitKat Chunky. Thats about Β£2!

9. They refer to themselves as “Australians” more than you would believe. Particularly in TV ads. They never just say “people”.

10. No houses have an upstairs. Ever.

11. Having a pool at home is as standard as having a bin.

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12. You genuinely can’t cross the street unless there’s an official crossing. J walking is an actual offence!

13. They say the word “maroon” as “marone”. And they do it on purpose. Seriously.

14. Everyone eats Vegemite and watches Seinfeld. Everyone.

15. Student concession cards and drivers licences from one state aren’t valid in another.

16. You’ll never be asked how you’re “doing”. You’ll hear a lot of “how you going?”

17. The AFL Grand Final is a bigger deal than Christmas, New Year and anybody’s birthday….combined.

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18. Everything closes early. Yet things are open on Easter Sunday.

19. They get a day off for the Queen’s birthday. Yep, our Queen.

20. In Sydney, not only are the trains double decker, the seats are reversible, so you never have to travel backwards. I won’t lie, this was the best discovery of my entire trip…and we caught it on video here.

21. They claim Italian Chicken Parmigiana as “Australian cuisine”… ever thought the Italians might have something to say about this? They also manage to breed chickens with massive baps, to produce these bad boys.

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22. All lattes are about the size of a vodka shot. Everywhere.

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23. That said, the coffee is exquisite.

24. They can’t pronounce the letter L. Here’s a translator:

“Straya” = Australia

“Miyyion” = Million

You get the idea

25. They call peppers “capsicums”

26. You can’t get sweet popcorn at the cinema

27. Sadly, nobody really says “rippaaaaa” and “gday”

28. They don’t drink Fosters either. Or say “good call” in an overly Aussie accent. *cry*

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29. These hilarities aside, men aren’t all blonde douchebag surfers with long hair and board shorts, and the people are more friendly than you’ll ever encounter in London. And I don’t know whether its one of the things people never told you, or whether people did tell you, but there’s no doubt its one of the coolest places on earth.

So there you go πŸ˜‰

Huroo

(They don’t say that either)

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Mission Accomplished: Searching the world for Nike Roshe Runs…LITERALLY

Now, in life we tend to exaggerate, particularly with the word literally. I actually saw a great TV ad the other day, referring to when we say “I could literally eat a horse”. Now, obviously, we mean figuratively. You wouldn’t really eat a horse (hold the jokes Β in reference to the horse meat scandal, would you), but we are exaggerating with the word literally, which might lead some of you to think I exaggerated with the title of this post, claiming I literally searched the world for Nike Roshe Runs. Well, you are mistaken. I LITERALLY did.

To be completely fair, I will accept that I was beyond fashionably late to the party when it comes to the Nike craze. Late as in, the party started last year, and I’m that latecomer that nobody even remembers was there because said party was so out of control by the point I even metaphorically rocked up. But anyway, late or otherwise, I set my heart on the black Roshe Run trainers. I recently bought a pair of pink Free Run 5.0, which I adore, and are great for running or just day to day wear, but my addiction was brewing, and I needed a fix. I concluded the next pair I bought would be less “loud” than the pink pair, so that they would go with more of my outfits without looking too much. How hard can it be to find black Roshe Runs I thought? Well well well. Thus began the longest and widest hunt of my life for fashion.

I am one of those people who, once I set my heart on something, I’m a ticking time bomb until I purchase it. Not even in a good way. I wish I could transfer such determination to career goals or life progression, but sadly I’m referring to basically fashion and fashion only *sigh*. I’ve lost count of how many late night Westfield runs I’ve done when I just can’t settle until I’ve snapped up “that top” I saw “that chick in Clapham” wearing, and I’m usually a pro at getting my paws on items that have sold out, or even sniffing out the best sellers early, so I don’t have to fight to the deaths. However, this was not one of those times.

I searched London high and low, to no avail, broadened my searches to the most of South West, and every online retailer and eBay seller I could find, but still nothing. I concluded the only way was to have them specially made by Nike, which costs a stressful Β£120 and takes four weeks to make, but I had almost concluded it was my only option. I had my boyfriend in Australia search the web for anything in stock too, but nothing was working. After a few internet searches I concluded they had sold out there too, and that there was just a world shortage. Until the time came for my second Australian adventure, and this time I was flying via Dubai. Another airport to scour, I thought, just in case their mall had anything. Nope. No luck. Once I reached the other side of the world, my search recommenced, after a tip off that the shoes had been spotted at Chadstone Shopping Centre, which by the way is larger than I care to attempt to describe without the use of expletives. Largest in the Southern Hemisphere they say. Try larger THAN the Southern Hemisphere. Talk about aching legs and severe disorientation. I’ve been there a few times on my own while boyfriend is working or studying, and every time I get more and more confused and end up circling the same area for ages, and I am certain I haven’t even covered the whole centre yet. Oh but don’t worry, they’re extending it, just in case my poor legs needed an extra marathon walk.

Anyway, Chadstone rant over. I FOUND THE SHOES. They were in the window of the first shoe store we looked in, so I bounded towards the sales assistant like an Andrex puppy to toilet paper, and asked for my size. Too good to be true I thought. Damn right it was. Apparently they only come in big mens sizes, but I was shown a very similar pair with a slightly fluorescent pink lining.

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Not good enough, I thought. I declined them and decided to carry on searching. I had hope back! Well, this was soon quashed as every single store I went to told me the same story, though I was sure something was up, as all the shop assistants had trouble converting my size to Australian sizes, so I was still determined. I even had a stand off with a worker at Platypus in Westfield Sydney, who told me I had to get the pink ones as I would never find the black and white in girl sizes. Pah. In the words of Barney Stinson, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED, I thought. I stomped to the next store, and THERE THEY WERE. Oh the elation, which, I won’t lie was slightly heightened by the fact I had proved the hence dude in the other store wrong. I started to wonder if I even wanted the shoes anymore, or whether I was just proving a point to myself! But no, jokes aside, I did, and they were $100, so definitely a saving on the UK price.

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We planned to take a cruise by the other store and show the other guy that I had found them, but when we saw him surrounded by three other, somewhat alternative, store assistants, we opted out, as his tattoo sleeve and mesh attire didn’t scream “I enjoy sarcastic humour from obnoxious British tourists”.

Anyway, I’ve just realised I’ve babbled on all this time basically explaining how I found a pair of shoes after searching an 11000 mile radius. Sorry about that. But I just had to tell the world. Woohoo. If I were deep and meaningful, I would put this down to never giving up, and that what you want isn’t always where you think it is, and develop some standardised metaphor about love or something. But nah, its just basically a girl who found some shoes. Sorry folks. Take from this what you will πŸ˜‰

For most of you reading this, I expect you’re in the UK, so it’ll be morning time, so have a great day! I’m off to roam around Melbourne, doing what I do best…ordering coffees and moaning about how small they are here. New post coming soon all about my Melbourne adventures!

Ciao xxxxxx