Bonjour. I’m bashing this post out from my warm, toasty couch on a Saturday evening full to the neckline of prosecco and cheese after a corker of a lunch at Renoufs in Westbourne – so please excuse any omissions in grammar perfection, won’t you. For anyone who saw my recent Facebook status, you’ll know where the inspo for this has come from. On my way to lunch today, I was pootling along the forest roads out of Ringwood when me and my little Peugeot were reduced to the hair raising speed of 5mph – because two horses were trotting along the side of the road. As I was picking my friend up from the train station, I was concerned I was going to be late. Chuckling to myself, I thought, wow, I’m going to have to say I’m late because of a horse. Yep, a HORSE. This got me thinking – what other hilarious sentences come out of the mouths of those of us from Ringwood? Here they come:
Image via thenewforest.co.uk
- “Sorry, I’m late, I was stuck behind a horse on my way here”.
- “I GOT A PARKING SPACE AT WAITROSE ON A SATURDAY.”
- “Well Jules, I was going to pop to HSBC yesterday but of course, I couldn’t – it was market day!”
- “Gosh, The Furlong is really coming up isn’t it.”
- “I just don’t understand how TOYS is still in business.”
- “Remember when Caffe Nero was Cosmetique!?”
- “Oh, that car mechanic is in Parkside” Where’s that? “You know, off Christchurch Road.” Nope? “Near Texaco.” Nope. “Where the carnival starts.” OH YEAH THERE.
- “Remember London Discounts?”
- “Well the problem was, Jemeima’s friend Molly was out of catchment for Ringwood school. She ended up at Twynham”. Oh gosh how terrible for her.
- “I saw Howard [Donald] yesterday” Oh really, where? “Waitrose”.
- “You’ll never guess who I saw yesterday – John Clees!” Oh wow, where? “Waitrose”.
- “I had to pick up some lightbulbs, masking tape, a watch battery and a dog toy, so I popped into Johnny Junks”.
- “Whoops, I mean Ringwood Surplus Stores!”
- “FREE PRAWN CRACKERS FROM THE CHINESE. GET IN”.
- “I STILL just can’t believe it’s not a 50mph limit on the A31 yet”.
- “I still look at Iceland and think of Woolworths.”
- “Christmas just isn’t the same without Woolworths is it?”
- “I knocked my exhaust off going over the cattle grid last week.”
- “Well we were going to book Disneyland for September but of course it’s Carnival isn’t it.”
- “I miss walking round the corner, seeing Cat Weasel and almost crapping my pants”.
- “Don’t get me wrong, I like the new Framptons, but I miss the old one”.
- “Who actually goes in Jaeger?”
- “Where are you watching the Carnival?!”
- “Those public toilets have come a long way since there used to be diarrhoea up the walls”.
- “I’m surprised the back entrance of Boots lasted so long! Woolworths had to shut theirs because of break ins incase you didn’t already know!!!!!”.
- “The Santa parade has been called off due to bad weather”.
- “I bloody love Ringwood!”.