21 things girls do when their period is late

I’m just going to put it out there that I recommend any men reading this should stop now. Firstly for your own mental sanity, and secondly, no ovaries, no opinion, okay?

So for the last month or so my ever trusty ovaries have decided to fuck with me. I’ve glided through 24 years of life practically able to run a German train schedule around my period. Even coming off the pill didn’t phase my iron man pelvic organs. *makes fighting sounds*

And yet here we are. Last month I waited four days for things to, er, get going, and this month I’ve been waiting six. Not only that, three of my girlfriends are also late. Okay, I’ll admit, the female ability to sync up with your squad has always fascinated and amazed me, but cmon little uteruses (uteri? uteruen?), we’re all set to go. We’re moody, emotional, and our clothes are all a lil tight from the sassy bloat we’ve got going on. Stop making us raid the chocolate draw at work and let’s get this show on the road. Until then, here’s some anecdotes that I’m sure I’m not alone in enduring from the past week.

And before we begin, no I am definitely not pregnant. Amen.

1. You count on your calendar in excess of 59 times trying to prove to yourself that you’re actually just dumb and you’re not due for another week.

2. You calculate how many tampons and/or sanitary pads you’ve wasted trying to will your uterus to get shedding.

3. You put on your prettiest panties in hope you’ll trick your uterus into thinking it’s getting one over on you by staining your finest undies (because why the fuck does that always happen). Spoiler, in this instance it didn’t work.

4. You go for a run or do some star jumps in hope of shaking your pelvis enough for some activity.

5. You’ll spend too much time inspecting used toilet paper hoping for a slight glimmer of blood-tinged hope.

6. You head to the store and buying any vitamin or supplement you can find just incase that gets things going. Spoiler number two, it does not.

7. You brew up mug after mug of ginger tea because Google search result page 19 said it might work. Spoiler number three, it does not.

8. You want to punch people who ask you if you could be pregnant. Like C’MON OBVIOUSLY I’VE THOUGHT OF AND EXCLUDED THAT.

9. And when people ask if you’re stressed. Yes but I’m always stressed soooooooo?

10. Your recently visited looks like this (and yes the links are all that awkward purple because you’ve READ THEM ALL):Screen Shot 2016-05-03 at 14.38.33

11. You run to the bathroom after realising you’ve actually forgotten about how late you are for about 18 seconds and wonder whether that’s relaxed you enough into coming on. Spoiler number four, it hasn’t.

12. If, like me, you’ve been lucky enough to have a support team on hand who are also waiting for their monthly treat, you’ll send snapchats like this:

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13. You start to feel like you’re neck deep in calories and guilt for all the chocolate you’ve been scoffing and justifying with ‘I’ve got PMS’ and fear you’re an utter fraud.

14. You start to picture your life in twenty years when you’re still this bloated and moody and your boobs have swelled up to the size of watermelons and wonder if you’ll still be holding out hope for this one period.

15. You start initiating sex more than ever before, like some kind of porn star, in hope that you can, ya know, poke it out. Spoiler number five, you also can’t.

16. You lay in a foetal position and have a little cry at what your life has become.

17. And react off-the-scale mental at anything that goes wrong.

18. As the days pass, you start to worry that your mood swings aren’t PMS and wonder whether you’ll need to be put in an anger management home.

19. You decide you’re 100% definitely infertile and/or dying of ovarian cancer.

20. You get excited when you start to feel things occurring ‘down there’ but are sadly faced with the reality that you’re nether region is just sweaty.

21. And on that note, you’d actually take a public unexpected-period-arrival-while-wearing-white-jeans moment over waiting ANY longer for it.

 

Anyway gal pals. That’s that.

Peace, love and tampons.

Coco x

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December Wish List

Its Monday again! But, in my crazy life as a waitress at the moment, Monday is the best day of the week, as its more often than not, my day off. It means I get to look on and laugh on a Sunday evening as the weekly dread fills everyone’s heads, and the harsh reality that Monday has rolled around again hits home. Its basically payback for the smug faces of everyone on a Friday afternoon as I trudge into work and they skip out, bound for a weekend of drinking and socialising – the activities for which I am the mandatory server!

Anyway, my plan for today was take advantage of the shift work life and do some Christmas shopping on Oxford Street when it isn’t completely cattle-market-shoulder-to-shoulder-get-out-of-my-face-rammed. But sadly, after a 48 hour week on my feet dashing between tables balancing countless glasses of Shiraz and endless pizzas on my arms, I slept until 1pm. Yep. 1pm. That’s over half of the daylight hours gone! Which sent my plan for the day slightly ary, meaning I have no new purchases to blog about! But instead, I have created a little wishlist of bits and pieces i’m lusting after at the moment!

1. Lace Scallop Dress, £49.99 Chi Chi Clothing

2. Havaianas Wellies, £50, Havaianas

3. Topshop Duck Egg Blue Jumper, £40, Topshop

4. Hat, £44.99, Massimo Dutti

5. Dress, £100, Bitching and Junkfood at Urban Outfitters

6. Budweiser Tshirt, £32, Urban Outfitters

7. Shoes, £79.95, Massimo Dutti

8. Fluffy Embellished Jumper, £35, Dorothy Perkins

9. Aztec Dress, £19.99, Pretty Little Thing

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All my love

Coco

#LashTag!

Happy humpday, everybody! Its Wednesday, and for those of you in the 9-5 world, its all downhill from here! Though I must address my dislike of this saying. It is richly marinated in ambiguity. I always thought it meant it was downhill from here, as in, downhill, getting worse. But as it turns out, it means the uphill struggle that kicked off 60 hours ago on the devil’s waiting room we call Monday, is over.

Anyway, today’s post is about EYELASHES, more specifically, lash extensions. I find this a topic open to great ridicule. You’ve got your haters (those who have either tried and hated, or who are repulsed by any word that is succeeded by ‘extensions’ – hair, nails, and so on), your veterans (like myself, who had them put on, took to them like a duck to water, and have never looked back), and the observers (those who either are oblivious to the fact that they exist – my dad, and every other male on the planet, really – or those who are fascinated by them but don’t know whether to join the craze).

I have to say, personally, they have changed my life! I first had a full set put on about a year ago, and have fallen completely in love with my natural looking, long lashes. Without sounding immodest, I get compliments on them all the time, and its a real time saver in the morning. I’ve been subject to extensive ridicule as to how much I pay for them, but I opted to go for Lash Perfect ones, which are quite pricey (£85 for the first set, and infills at £25-29, depending on therapist, every 3-4 weeks), but I love them. They work for me, and I loved my salon I got them done at, which, for the record, is Aphrodite in Westbourne, Bournemouth (just in case there are any South Coast readers out there!). I’ve seen both success stories and horrific failures of people who get other brands done elsewhere much cheaper, but I would love to hear about any lash extension experiences you have, and I will tell you why just now.

As you know I recently moved back to London, and I used the Lash Perfect salon finder to find somewhere in my local area to continue the upkeep of my pride and joy lashes. I found a lovely salon, who listed “Top Ups” as £22, so I thought I had hit the jackpot, and had found them cheaper in London of all places. Well. Take note. I’ve no idea what top ups refers to, but it does not mean monthly infills. Turns out they booked me in for a half set, which was £55!!! I must admit they were done beautifully, but £55 every three weeks is a complete joke, when I was getting the exact same lashes put on for less than half the price back home. I’m not usually one to succumb to the naivety that comes with London pricing, but really. Over double the price?! No siree!

Has anybody tried any other lash brands that are good?! Here are pictures of my lashes at the moment (this is about 10 days after infills, so they aren’t at their absolute optimum, but they’re okay). I need to find somewhere new, either for Lash Perfect, or for a new brand that still gives the natural look of these ones, instead of the tacky, fake, strip lash look that some give!

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Share your lash extension experiences in the comment box, or with me on Twitter @Scrambled_Emma!

(My twitter name isn’t doing a great job of protecting my blog alias, but its so much hassle changing it! My arrival on the bandwagon of OOTD hasn’t done the mystery any favours either though, )

Lots of love

the ever inconspicuous, Coco

Liebster Award

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This week I was tagged in the Liebster Award by the lovely Emma, who writes Beauty and the Big Smoke. Its basically a way to reach out to new bloggers like us, and find out more about them and what they love. The tag involves answering 10 questions about myself and then I need to tag another 10 bloggers with 10 brand new questions. .

The rules:
1) Try to tag/nominate bloggers that have under 200 followers
2) You must tag the blog that nominated you
3) You must let the people you tagged know so they’re able to respond

Here are the questions Emma left for me and the other 9 bloggers she tagged. Who, by the way, are these – check them out!

  • thatcardiffgirl.com
  • mintandgold.com
  • the-little-plum.blogspot.co.uk
  • cocopopscouture.com
  • thefashionlopedia.blogspot.co.uk
  • chelseagirlposts.blogspot.co.uk
  • likesandlove.blogspot.co.uk
  • stefanystrange.com
  • styleandpaper.blogspot.com
  • brighton-girl.blogspot.co.uk
1) What’s your favourite restaurant?
I’m a sucker for a good steak, and have become a bit of a snob about it if I’m honest. There are some places I won’t even consider ordering it because it wont be right, and I really struggle not to complain when I order medium rare and it comes out anything between medium and charcoal. So, my favourite restaurant would have to be Gaucho. The steaks are unbelievable. I also must do a little shout out to my favourite Thai restaurant back in Bournemouth, called Tiien. Its a lovely restaurant and the food is beautifully cooked.
2) What will you be asking Santa for this Christmas?
A new coffee machine! I had the Bosch Tassimo but it started to break, so I am in desperate need of a new one! Coffee is one of my favourite things on earth!
3) Favourite city?
London! There’s no place like home, and while I really adore New York and Barcelona, if I ever moved there I would miss the British humour and way of life too much.
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4) Why did you start blogging?
I love to write. I always have. I kept journals as a child, and as I soared over my 10,000 dissertation word limit, my tutor read over it and said “you obviously have a talent for writing”. That, I think, was the point I realised I really did want to pursue it. I thought I wasn’t good enough because I hadn’t studied Journalism or English, and that nobody would take me seriously, but after a few months of blogging I realised that the online community is a really friendly place, and we all love to help each other out. The Liebster Award is a prime example of how welcoming everybody is. Even if I don’t get to write as a career, its lovely to still be able to do it as a hobby.
5) Your top 5 beauty products?
Dior Airflash Spray Foundation
Topshop tangerine Lipstick
Essie ‘Meet Me at Sunset’ Nail Polish
HD Brows Kit
Benefit Sun Beam
If I’ve got those with me, I’ll survive!

6) How do you discover other like-minded bloggers?

Through commenting and linking to other people’s blogs, really. Often I’ll click on someones comment and then someone else’s comment on their blog, and so on, and suddenly an hour has passed and I’m just perusing people’s blogs. Its essential to read other blogs before you start, too, and while you’re doing it.

7) Name a blogger that inspires you?
Joannaloves.com. Hers was one of the first blogs I read before I started, and I just think its amazing. She blogs because she loves beauty products, and loves telling people about her experiences with products. I’ve bought many products off the back of her reviews! She’s really genuine in her writing style, too.
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8) Top beauty or fashion tip?
If you only carry one item of makeup, make it a lipstick.
9) What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?
The worst paths often lead you to the best people.
10) What are you looking forward to most this week?
My friend is visiting me at the weekend and I can’t wait to see her!
Okay, so, here’s  the blogs I’ve tagged, and my questions. Leave me your link in a comment so I can see your answers!!!
1. Why did you start blogging?
2. Who is your favourite designer?
3. Lipstick or eye shadow?
4. Do you have a fashion motto?
5. Describe your dream job.
6. You have £1000 to spend on one item. What would it be?
7. What item of clothing or makeup would you save from your burning house?
8. Do you have a fashion inspiration or style icon?
9. Describe your favourite cocktail bar.
10. Where do you see yourself in five years?
Can’t wait to hear your answers!
Coco xx