After my last post unveiling things that happened in 2015, here’s a bunch more shit that I’d like to achieve in 2016:
1. Stop assuming every twinge in my body is the beginning of my journey to death
2. Eat more grapefruit
3. Stop snoozing my alarm
4. Devise a shorter response to the question, “so what are you doing now?” to avoid trapping people by having to journey back to “so I met this Australian guy” circa 2013
5. Moan about Taylor Swift less
6. Never play beer pong when Captain Morgan is being added to the shit mix
7. Try a different club on Chapel St that isn’t Revellers
8. Moan about Metro Trains less
9. Actually decide whether or not to stick to soy milk
10. Stop buying specific individual items that I’ll never wear, just to recreate an outfit I saw on Pinterest
11. Stop thinking I like baking
12. Stop spending days baking and then throwing a tantrum that I can’t eat the cakes because I’m fat
13. Accept that Shapes aren’t a healthy snack
14. Remember that Kiwi fruits are a natural laxative before going into work
15. Learn when not to make jokes
16. Remember to buy my passion pop in advance of wanting it so I bag it for the reasonable fee of $4.90 and avoid the tantrum in the local bottle shop upon seeing that they’re charging $10 for it
17. Throw less tantrums – a newly added item after writing this list and realising I have them too often for a 24 year old
18. Don’t try on new clothes after a big dinner and then cry about being a pig and storm off to the gym
19. Join a gym with air con
20. Actually do my posture exercises and try to sit up straighter to get off the road to being a hunchback
21. Try to accept that just because I have a headache, the chances are it’s not a brain tumour
22. Stop telling people the story about how David Lloyd wouldn’t let me join the gym over Christmas
23. Accept that Starbucks in Australia tasted like crap and stop buying it
24. Decide whether or not to buy an iPad
25. Decide what type of writer I want to be
26. Take a digital marketing and SEO course
27. Stop thinking that my financial management elective and my AS level in accounting is enough, and just get an accountant
28. Either stop telling people I can speak Spanish better than I actually can, or learn it properly
29. Stop insulting Australians
30. Accept that I’ll never be able to pull off “sick” as an adjective
31. Find something new to be cynical about now that Downton Abbey is over
32. Get more manicures
33. Stop comparing how much things cost in the UK
34. Tell more people about how cork hats were designed to keep flies out your face
35. Skype friends more
36. Mention my boyfriend’s dad in more blogs because as it turns out he bloody loves it
37. Actually use insect repellent
38. Stop offering to bring a dessert to family dinners and then end up in tears after failed tart number four slides shamelessly into the bin
39. Understand that it’s really not the right time to get a Corgi yet
40. Stop boring people with talk about what visa I’m applying for
I hope you all had a fabulous Christmas and are still yelping in physical pain on your sofa at the sheer volume of food you ate. Good job. New Year is coming, so drink to a brilliant end to 2015 and a year ahead of health and happiness to all.
Wow, what a crazy year. I thought no year would fly by as fast as 2014, but hey there 2015, you’ve gone and trumped it. It’s been a great year for me – here’s some things that happened on the ride:
- I finally realised I’m too old to remain in love with One Direction. Zayn’s departure didn’t break my heart the way it should have done, and I came to the sad conclusion that I could’t really give two shits about them anymore.
- I accepted that a bowl of bran flakes and four Ryvita crackers is not sufficient nutrition for the day.
- I realised how much I truly hate winter. I used to sort of love the cosiness of it all – the jumpers, hot chocolates, fluffy socks and layered clothing. But at some point around July in Melbourne, rain-sodden and snivelling, I announced I could not go on. My search for eternal sunshine began in Northern Queensland, where I had two tantrums and shouted at my boyfriend declaring that the cloud that had appeared on our second day was his fault. Obviously.
- I ate wallaby… and enjoyed it.
- I gave up red meat (a very recent development – for those of you who are questioning whether or not you did in fact see me chug a burger two months ago).
- I stopped lying to myself about enjoying clubs less than I used to. I started to realise I was getting too old for it when I stopped recognising the music, and I’m now 100% certain that I am over the hill.
- I made my peace with Aussie television.
- I learned the truth about Australian winter. No. It absolutely is NOT like our summer.
- I learned to drive an automatic car without flapping my left foot about in search of a clutch.
- I learned that sucking tea through a Tim Tam has to be done incredibly quickly before it all goes soggy and plummets to the ibis that is the bottom of your teacup.
- Apparently having a headache doesn’t always mean you have a brain tumour.
- I become a professional writer after years of writing content for free (yay me).
- I allowed my boyfriend to see me removing my upper lip hair.
- I discovered I am truly dreadful at market research interviewing.
- I survived an 8 hour drive to Adelaide (and back) without a freak out (bar one tiny blip on the final 3 hour stint of the return journey when we were further from McDonalds than we thought).
- I realised I don’t actually like Victoria’s Secret stuff that much.
- I sent so much stuff home from Melbourne over the year that the man in the Post Office said “to England?” every time I went in with a parcel.
- I realised I need to know more about politics.
- I discovered the true need to wear socks with my running shoes.
- I found a hairdresser that actually cuts off the amount you want, and doesn’t ask me how I blow dry my hair when she knows the answer is I DON’T.
- I found that when you exercise a lot, your hair and beauty game takes a serious hit.
- It seems that 5k in a beachfront race feels a lot further than 5k on the treadmill.
- It turns out I don’t like chia seeds. Or cacao powder.
- But against all odds I do like courgetti and natural peanut butter.
- I finally found the perfect eyeliner brush.
- I started saying no to cream on my Starbucks Christmas drinks for the first time EVER.
- I learned both verses of the Australian National Anthem.
- And upped my level of defence and respect for The Queen.
- I discovered that working from home is not always the dream your 9-5 office job leads you to believe it to be.
- I realised I’m over Lucy Watson.
- But made my boyfriend follow her on Instagram.
- Despite having fallen somewhat in love with mine and boyfriend’s long distance, novel-worthy existence, seeing some couples popping round to each other’s houses for the evening and having mutual family gatherings made me realise I do sometimes wish it was normal.
- I found that I will forever compare every mode of transport to The Tube.
- Taylor Swift got too cool for me. Bring back the country pop, gal.
- I heard the phrase ON FLEEK and quickly developed a seething hatred for its entire being.
- When I was new in Melbourne I made conversation with someone by telling them I thought I was allergic to my toothpaste.
- I learned never to make conversation by telling someone you think you’re allergic to your toothpaste.
- I cried at The Bachelor and The Bachelorette.
- I also cried at Masterchef Australia.
- I realised how sad I am that the early-twenties stage of my life where you live with girlfriends is over.
- I realised that Corgis are my spirit animal. And that I must have one.
- I went to JB HIFI and Harvey Norman in excess of one hundred times with my boyfriend while he stared at the same TV for hours on end. That’s love.
- I discovered the reason I am so unhappy after going to Pancake Parlour is because I don’t actually like pancakes that much.
2015, you were pretty rad. Bring on 2016.