9 reasons why it doesn’t matter if you haven’t got your shit together yet

  1. Nobody ever truly has their shit together. You could be riding your unicorn down Old Brompton Road with ten trillian quid in the bank and you’d probably still be having a meltdown about what kind of brie to buy at Waitrose.
  1. Just like your tastes change with age and status, so do your worries. Just because you think you’ll have your job, finances and relationship ducks in a row one day doesn’t mean you won’t have other (likely more important) things to worry about. Can I get a ‘fuck no’ for mammograms, menopause and the three yearly treat from mr postman that is your smear test reminder? I think we all thought once we get that first one at 25 out the way it gets easier, but I’ll bet ya it doesn’t!
  1. It turns out your twenties aren’t what we thought they were in our teens. If you’re thinking SHIT I thought I’d have kids by 27 at the latest, you ain’t alone. But next time you start to think you and your aging ovaries will die alone, eggless and childless, toss on your heels and go have an espresso martini and ask yourself if you really think you’re ready to be at home playing with megablocks and arguing over who’s meant to be on pooey nappy duty.
  1. Even when you do start to get your shit together, you probably won’t even realise it. Tbh I’m not entirely sure when I stopped spending nights in clubs with my head over the toilet before rocking back out like a wounded donkey for one last chorus of I Wanna Dance With Somebody, and when I started working freelance and living in a beautiful apartment with my boyfriend that has a marble bathroom and an infinity pool (soz and that)…. And I’m still all over the place.
  1. There’s always somebody worse off than you. Whether it’s through fault of their own or not. Okay sure, so you’re actually considering paying for Tinder now instead of spending weekends at farmers markets in matching tweed like you dreamed it. So what? At least you’ve got a job and you’re earning a living. You’re not on the streets, and you’re lucky enough to have your health. That’s some metaphorical shit, metaphorically together, right there.
  1. The news isn’t necessarily true. Now this is a bold statement for me, as I am one to immediately vow never to touch something like blue tac ever again if there’s the slightest possibility that it’s been proven to be carcinogenic. But in my clear mind, the news really is scaremongering us about having kids. “Women who wait until they’re over 30 for kids are at risk”. YEAH YEAH okay but when am I like, meant to travel the world and find myself or spend all my money on Asos or pay a small fortune to live in London only to end up moving further out to commute on a stinky train every day. WHEN WILL I HAVE TIME FOR THAT? Now. Do it all now. My mum had me at 33, I’m an only child and I turned out just about okay – and she’s still kickin’ too. Having kids later in life might be more risky, but so was that 80th tequila at Freshers week, and you survived that.
  1. You just might be on the path to something you’re meant to do. You might be sitting at your desk at a job you hate, waiting for this ‘shit’ to be ‘together’. Trust me, just wait it out. I always say the worst paths lead to the best people – and the best things. If I hadn’t made some of the stupid mistakes I’ve made in my time, some of the amazing stuff wouldn’t have happened to me. I once turned town an amazing marketing job in London where I basically would’ve schmoozed with One Direction on an average Thursday, based on a gut feeling I shouldn’t do it. For a while I wondered if I’d made the worst mistake of my entire career, but I found my way and I’ve never been more sure I did the right thing.
  1. Other people probably haven’t got their shit together either. Much like my previous post on social image, we only really know the very best of other people – because that’s all they tell you. Everybody worries they’re not where they’re meant to be, even if they’re already there. That mate who’s up at the crack of dawn for spinning before high tailing it off wearing a Zara pant suit and power bun to her managerial role could be neck deep in Big Mac’s by 9pm and swiping right to anyone who’ll have her, for all we know.
  1. At the end of the day, things’ll probably never work out exactly how you thought they would. Stop wasting time trying to press the fast forward button. Just enjoy life on pause for a second. Unforch, Netflix don’t yet stream reruns of your twenties, so you’ll have to enjoy them live instead. Live? Imagine that. Chances are, wherever you’re at right now, is exactly where you need to be right at this very moment in time. One day, you’ll realise.

Until next time,

Coco x

 

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27 things you will have said if you’re from Ringwood

Bonjour. I’m bashing this post out from my warm, toasty couch on a Saturday evening full to the neckline of prosecco and cheese after a corker of a lunch at Renoufs in Westbourne – so please excuse any omissions in grammar perfection, won’t you. For anyone who saw my recent Facebook status, you’ll know where the inspo for this has come from. On my way to lunch today, I was pootling along the forest roads out of Ringwood when me and my little Peugeot were reduced to the hair raising speed of 5mph – because two horses were trotting along the side of the road. As I was picking my friend up from the train station, I was concerned I was going to be late. Chuckling to myself, I thought, wow, I’m going to have to say I’m late because of a horse. Yep, a HORSE. This got me thinking – what other hilarious sentences come out of the mouths of those of us from Ringwood? Here they come:

furlong

Image via thenewforest.co.uk

  1. “Sorry, I’m late, I was stuck behind a horse on my way here”.
  2. “I GOT A PARKING SPACE AT WAITROSE ON A SATURDAY.”
  3. “Well Jules, I was going to pop to HSBC yesterday but of course, I couldn’t – it was market day!”
  4. “Gosh, The Furlong is really coming up isn’t it.”
  5. “I just don’t understand how TOYS is still in business.”
  6. “Remember when Caffe Nero was Cosmetique!?”
  7. “Oh, that car mechanic is in Parkside” Where’s that? “You know, off Christchurch Road.” Nope? “Near Texaco.” Nope. “Where the carnival starts.” OH YEAH THERE. 
  8. “Remember London Discounts?”
  9. “Well the problem was, Jemeima’s friend Molly was out of catchment for Ringwood school. She ended up at Twynham”. Oh gosh how terrible for her. 
  10. “I saw Howard [Donald] yesterday” Oh really, where? “Waitrose”.
  11. “You’ll never guess who I saw yesterday – John Clees!” Oh wow, where? “Waitrose”.
  12. “I had to pick up some lightbulbs, masking tape, a watch battery and a dog toy, so I popped into Johnny Junks”.
  13. “Whoops, I mean Ringwood Surplus Stores!”
  14. “FREE PRAWN CRACKERS FROM THE CHINESE. GET IN”.
  15. “I STILL just can’t believe it’s not a 50mph limit on the A31 yet”.
  16. “I still look at Iceland and think of Woolworths.”
  17. “Christmas just isn’t the same without Woolworths is it?”
  18. “I knocked my exhaust off going over the cattle grid last week.”
  19. “Well we were going to book Disneyland for September but of course it’s Carnival isn’t it.”
  20. “I miss walking round the corner, seeing Cat Weasel and almost crapping my pants”.
  21. “Don’t get me wrong, I like the new Framptons, but I miss the old one”.
  22. “Who actually goes in Jaeger?”
  23. “Where are you watching the Carnival?!”
  24. “Those public toilets have come a long way since there used to be diarrhoea up the walls”.
  25. “I’m surprised the back entrance of Boots lasted so long! Woolworths had to shut theirs because of break ins incase you didn’t already know!!!!!”.
  26. “The Santa parade has been called off due to bad weather”.
  27. “I bloody love Ringwood!”.

C xx