Reflecting On 2016’s Goals

It came to my attention that almost a year ago I posted forty somewhat pointless goals for 2016. As we’re approaching the summit of a brand new year, I thought it’d be a right old laugh for everyone if we go back and lol our bums off at everything I didn’t achieve last year. Here’s the 40 goals I set for myself on December 27 last year, and my thoughts on each.
1. Stop assuming every twinge in my body is the beginning of my journey to death. While my anxiety had improved slightly, I must confess to 3 blood tests, one transvaginal ultrasound, one denied MRI and about 7402746 leukaemia scares in the past year. Safe to say I’m still working on that one. 
2. Eat more grapefruit. Ate a few, decided the squelchy sounds I made when eating them was likely to render me single for all eternity so I stopped. 
3. Stop snoozing my alarm. If anything, I snooze my alarm more. Whoops. 
4. Devise a shorter response to the question, “so what are you doing now?” to avoid trapping people by having to journey back to “so I met this Australian guy” circa 2013. LOL nope. Still boring passers-by. 
5. Moan about Taylor Swift less. I think I actually achieved this one. Just. 
6. Never play beer pong when Captain Morgan is being added to the shit mix. I can confirm I can no longer even smell Captain Morgan without my mouth filling with warm sick, so no danger of this one. 
7. Try a different club on Chapel St that isn’t Revellers. Went to Attik and I cried. 
8. Moan about Metro Trains less. Achieved, though largely attributable to the fact we moved to the tram zone instead of the trains, and I seem to think anything less than 10km is walking distance. 
9. Actually decide whether or not to stick to soy milk. In true Emma style, I stuck to soy milk and cut out dairy. Then started panicking that maybe humans do need dairy.  
10. Stop buying specific individual items that I’ll never wear, just to recreate an outfit I saw on Pinterest. Still doing that. Hello Adidas Superstars.
11. Stop thinking I like baking. Still don’t like baking. Accepted it. 
12. Stop spending days baking and then throwing a tantrum that I can’t eat the cakes because I’m fat. Learned sugar free baking! 
13. Accept that Shapes aren’t a healthy snack. I’m 11 months Shapes sober. 
14. Remember that Kiwi fruits are a natural laxative before going into work. Duly noted. 
15. Learn when not to make jokes. ‘Fraid I failed on this too. Still accidentally offending. 
16. Remember to buy my passion pop in advance of wanting it so I bag it for the reasonable fee of $4.90 and avoid the tantrum in the local bottle shop upon seeing that they’re charging $10 for it.
17. Throw less tantrums – a newly added item after writing this list and realising I have them too often for a 24 year old. Been a little better, but Jess has created the term ‘fattitude’ for when I have attitude about being fat. So maybe not. 
18. Don’t try on new clothes after a big dinner and then cry about being a pig and storm off to the gym. Still doing it, still whining. 
19. Join a gym with air con. DONE. 
20. Actually do my posture exercises and try to sit up straighter to get off the road to being a hunchback. Took up Pilates and improved my posture so sort of. 
21. Try to accept that just because I have a headache, the chances are it’s not a brain tumour. This has happened less, but generally because I’ve had less headaches. The next twinge I feel will 99% be a miscellaneous blastoma. 
22. Stop telling people the story about how David Lloyd wouldn’t let me join the gym over Christmas. Now telling the story about how they DID let me join over October. Sorry. 
23. Accept that Starbucks in Australia tastes like crap and stop buying it. Turns out their long blacks are actually very good and better value when you want a large one because you’re a sassy bitch that can’t be tamed. 
24. Decide whether or not to buy an iPad. Did not buy iPad. 
25. Decide what type of writer I want to be. Still no idea. Recently wrote copy for a lean meat producer while contemplating going vegetarian. Solid. 
26. Take a digital marketing and SEO course. HAHAHAH no. 
27. Stop thinking that my financial management elective and my AS level in accounting is enough, and just get an accountant. Poached one in the lift of my building. Tax return remains unfiled though. 
28. Either stop telling people I can speak Spanish better than I actually can, or learn it properly. Still over using the phrase ‘solamente un poco’ 
29. Stop insulting Australians. Would be easier if they’d stop saying ‘veggies’. 
30. Accept that I’ll never be able to pull off “sick” as an adjective. Also duly noted. 
31. Find something new to be cynical about now that Downton Abbey is over. Enter Game of Thrones. 
32. Get more manicures. Did not do, but found out my boyfriend can cut my nails beautifully. 
33. Stop comparing how much things cost in the UK. Getting better. 
34. Tell more people about how cork hats were designed to keep flies out your face. Yet to drop this knowledge. 
35. Skype friends more. Fail. 
36. Mention my boyfriend’s dad in more blogs because as it turns out he bloody loves it. I think I did this earlier in the year. 
37. Actually use insect repellent. Still being devoured by half of Australia’s mosquitos unforch. 
38. Stop offering to bring a dessert to family dinners and then end up in tears after failed tart number four slides shamelessly into the bin. I am no longer on the dessert committee. 
39. Understand that it’s really not the right time to get a Corgi yet. We remain corgi-less. 
40. Stop boring people with talk about what visa I’m applying for. LOL nope, still conversation fodder. 

Better goals coming for 2017!

Love always,

Coco xx

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5 Podcasts That’ll Get You Into Podcasts

Podcasts. To be honest, my only knowledge of podcasts was when they were a menu option on my old iPod mini and I wondered what the hell they were. I’m pretty sure I concluded I didn’t give a shit, continued playing Greenday’s American Idiot album on repeat, and forgot all about them.

Then I moved to Melbourne the hipster capital of the world.

AND ALL ANYONE TALKS ABOUT IS PODCASTS. Well. And voting for the Greens. And coffee. And buying things from op shops. And AFL. But mostly podcasts.

After months of wondering what the fuck the fuss was all about, I started to think maybe I should be listening to them. Maybe this was the solution to my ornate ability to be so out of touch with music that I’m still listening to Kesha’s only two hits every time I put my headphones in.

And I walk A LOT, which means I listen to Kesha A LOT. I mean don’t get me wrong, I’ve OF COURSE got Ronan Keating’s When You Say Nothing At All in a safe seat (lol can you tell I’ve been getting right into the Australian election) in my recently played, but to be honest, that’s probably the last time I cared about music. I’ve said at least one hundred times ‘I don’t even know what the kids are listening to these days’, and I legit don’t. Taylor Swift got too cool for me, and the soul of my music-listening ears died at that moment. And never recovered.

SO. I thought I’d give podcasts a try. Though, to be honest, I was worried they’d bore me and my mind would wander towards dreaming of carbs and burgers and cheese and I’d miss what was being said, so I was apprehensive.

I got on with it, and look at me now. I’m hooked. I’m a proper little Melbournian. I’ll toddle along in my Zara puffer jacket, in my active wear, full to my oesophagus of avocado, clutching a coffee (in an eco-friendly Keep Cup I shit you not), on my way to KX Pilates, LISTENING TO A PODCAST.

Let’s get a woohoo for Emma. This is the most alternative thing I’ve succeeded at since my mesh wristband phase circa 2004.

I’m wondering if they’ve taken off in the UK in my absence, but given that 87% of England is as awkward – if not more – than me, I assume they haven’t quite reached the mass market yet.

It did take a little perseverance, but these are the 5 that pretty much got me hooked. Granted, I did hear about a couple of them while listening to a couple of other podcasts (the names of which I can’t remember), but these are the ones I’ve subscribed to and that stuck. Ready? Hipster initiation begins now.

1. Millennial

OH HOW GENERIC. Look, I said I’d got into podcasts. I didn’t say this list was going to be ground breaking-ly unique and game changing. But I’m sorry, Megan Tan, you’ve changed my effing life (she’s the host of the show). The tag line is ‘A podcast about what no-one teaches you: manoeuvring your twenties, captured in real time’, and that’s pretty much what it is. But in a good way. Like, my blog is about being in your twenties, but it’s more totally bloody standard. The part of your twenties that’s going on Tinder and deciding you’re the hottest thing on the market, and being sick on the street outside the club, and skipping Uni in favour of eating Chinese in your pyjamas and spending all your money on moving to London to piss the leftover 80p of your wages up the wall after paying 98.4% of your income on rent. That part. Millennial isn’t that part. It’s the other part. The part when you get spat out of Uni age 22 (ish) and suddenly you’re not on a plan anymore. There’s no feeder school, no next step. It’s that part. And Megan Tan tells it so beautifully perfectly. I won’t say much more because I don’t want to ruin it for you if you download it. But it’s so good, and you’ll fall a little bit in love with her. She’s empowering, motivating, and basically she’s the one that makes it all okay.

2. Flash Forward

This one’s cool for those days when you just want to not think about stuff that’s going on. Like the day 51% of my beloved homeland United Kingdom voted to leave the EU and everybody started hating on each other on Facebook and people started taking my jokes offensively (which is a day I’ve feared my whole life). Flash Forward sets the scene of a scenario that could happen in the future, takes you there for a few minutes, and then unpicks what life would be like if that happened. One of my faves was a life with no pets, where breeding animals or keeping them as pets was illegal, and a life without lies, where a 100% accurate lie detector test was developed and a bleeping sound went off every time someone told the tiniest lie – like “it’s great to see you!”. Easy listening and makes you think about something other than your own life.

3. Bowraville 

Okay I do love Bowraville, but I did fall victim to that zoning out and forgetting to pay attention thing that I was worried about. And with this one, when that happens, you miss shit out and have to go back. Good for when you’re keen to focus, but if your mind is likely to drift, save it. It unpicks the mystery of three aboriginal children who were murdered in suspiciously similar circumstances, on the same street in New South Wales. Gripping, and a welcome non-mainstream alternative to Serial, so you can get stuck in without feeling like a total sell out for being late to the party.

4. Modern Love

I’ve only listened to a couple of these, but I do really like them. They’re not love stories, they’re stories about love. Often heartbreak, often mystery, often grief and sadness. Some heavier than others, they’re sort of like a teeny tiny audiobook. But it’ll make you feel better about falling in almost love with that guy you met twice and stalking him via WhatsApp and Tinder’s ‘last active’ features for the most of 2012. Cmon, we all did it.

5. Women’s Health Live Better Radio

This one is for when I’m definitely not keen for having to listen hard. It’s just a radio chat show by the editors of Women’s Health Australia magazine – which I read avidly like my little chia seed/almond butter/amaranth/puffed quinoa/raw vegan bible. But the episodes are nice and casual, short and feature different topics, so if you do zone out, you don’t miss key info (like you would with Bowraville). Now I like this show because I’m one of those wankers people hate. The ones who annoyingly turn down cake because it’s fatty, and the ones who read the back of a packet and turn their nose up at the macros or ingredients. But I’m aware of it and I mock it just as much as you do. So i’m sorry. But this show might only appeal to wankers like me, so if you don’t love it I’m sorry. But maybe give it a try if you too love activewear and going dairy free for no reason.

BYE xx

 

25 musings about turning 25 next week | Turning 25

Hello, hello

So in just five teeny tiny days time I’ll be turning a quarter of a century. Yep, twenty flippin’ five. How exactly has that happened? This, among other things, have been crossing my mind as this mini milestone has leered over my shoulder for the past few weeks, so I thought I’d condense them down to an appropriate 25 strong listical, cos, y’know, content.

  1. I’m starting to wonder if we’re now too old to still classify people into what year group they were in at school.
  1. I’ve seriously considered spending about $50 on a single candle, which is a sure indication of my progression to being stereotypically middle aged.
  1. I also now apparently give two shits about the thread count of my bed sheets.
  1. Instead of spending our money on gallivanting round hotels and restaurants, Jess and I now lust after couches, flatpack furniture and Le Creuset cast iron cook pots.
  1. People are beginning to ask me what my “partner’s” name is. So I’m either old and/or they think I could possibly be a lesbian. (Though the fun part is when I say his name is Jess. They must get their mind absolutely blown).
  1. I’m actually giving people younger than me advice. And they’re taking it.
  1. I’ve got a plethora friends’ of hen parties and weddings in my calendar.
  1. Turning 25 does now mean that I’ve made it 25 whole years without ever squeezing a spot.
  1. I’ve also learned that people instantly despise you when you say this to them.
  1. I’m wondering what the next form I fill in will be, and shuddering a little at the thought of ticking the 25-29 box.
  1. I’m feeling incredibly equipped for when I receive my ‘invitation’ to my first smear test, as I’ve already had one and am looking forward to explaining this to the clamp-bearing nurse.
  1. A small part of my soul dies every time one of my friends buys a house.
  1. My body has started actually needing herbal tea to function.
  1. The other day I got heartburn for the first time.
  1. I think at 25 I’ll have inched into the next age category in terms of breast cancer prevalence so there’s a little nugget of joy for my anxiety.
  1. People no longer seem to give me a judgey look when I buy pregnancy tests even though in my head I still feel like the stick is basically my audition for a potential appearance on Teen Mom. (FYI I only buy prego tests because I’m super paranoid and check every month just to be sure, not because I’m an idiot that still thinks risking it is cool.)
  1. If I don’t get enough water for like half a day, I seriously wilt like a flower.
  1. It’s becoming harrowingly apparent how far away I am from being the subject of Taylor Swift’s song 22.
  1. Apparently my body can no longer handle the ‘warm up’ cider I used to chug before a night out sponsored by heavy spirits. Mixing drinks ain’t cool no more, says my ever-aging liver.
  1. Chunders are no longer ‘tactical’.
  1. White bread consumption is now a one way ticket to guaranteed bloat.
  1. An exciting week is dictated by things like new accounting software to manage my invoicing.
  1. An intense and wrenching wave of nausea consumes me when I so much as think back to how I handled going out so much at uni.
  1. Things that I thought I’d know by now are still utter mysteries to me. This week I witnessed a conversation that I think was about some form of political unrest in Japan, and I’m ashamed to admit I had literally zero clue what they were talking about, and I just sat there wondering where they ever learned about this stuff.
  1. Everything we want to do is dictated by the two words I hate the most. ANNUAL EFFING LEAVE.

So that’s that. Here’s to another year of me spoiling you with perfectly pointless lists of shit that you probably didn’t want to know.

Over and out,

Coco x

 

 

23 things that prove your school years were your sassiest.

Because life was well tough back then, it was no wonder you had an attitude, right?

1. Going full Kourtney Karashian on your Mum after she has the audacity to suggest that your last year’s Withit pencil case ‘will do’ for another year. Ummm, no Mum. 

kourt

2. Not being able to decide between your pink DCs or your black Duffs for your prime hottie outfit for mufty day, so nipping onto the dial up internet for a group opinion on MSN the night before.

3. Being sure to wear the correct number of shag bands on your wrists to reflect your level of uncompromised sluttiness.

shagbands

image via snopes.com

4. Whipping your flip phone out of your inner blazer pocket and feeling like a hot mix of James Bond cool and Lizzie McGuire swag.

5. Sticking dream catchers, mini mirrors and spare lip gloss in your locker to ensure you remain as Mary-Kate and Ashley as possible at all times.

6. …And assuming your parents want to see said locker at parents’ evening. FYI, they do not.

7. Leaving as many shirt buttons undone as you could get away with to not-so-subtly allow all the boys to sneak a glimpse at your raunchy M&S Angel bra.

Angelbra

8. And if the top of your Girl Boxers could peep outta the top of your boot flare trousers from Tammy, that’d be just swell.

9. Pouting your perfectly glossed lips in anger when the bell rang and class wasn’t immediately terminated like the American sitcoms let us believe it would.

10. Swagging round school for the entire week post-BCG jab showing off your war wound and making the lower year levels feel medically inferior.

11. Watching Skins and immediately deciding that the drugged-up-sleeping-in-your-own-sick life was so you.

skins

image via skinsmusic.co.uk

12. …And subsequently trying to make out like every sleepover was a mad rave by taking scandalous pics in your lounge.

12. Never being more than an inch away from your Dream Matte Mousse.

14. …Which was obviously about four shades too dark because duh nobody wants to be Ivory.

15. Making your Mum late for work because you’re busy applying Wella gel to get that perfect slicked back, bump free, skull exposing pony tail that brings all the boys to your yard.

sportyspice

16. Spending a good ten minutes perfecting your MSN screen name, making sure that you’ve 1) named your crush with a code name and 2) chosen the perfect passive aggressive/emotional song lyric to sum up your misunderstood life.

17. Spending all your credit on that awesome polyphonic ringtone so having to call your bestie on the landline before school to check whether you’re bringing lunch or buying it.

18. Making sure that Becca was aware she totally crossed a line today by rearranging your Bebo friends grid (and your ‘other half of me’).

19. Settling for nothing less than the chunkiest of shoes from the Bootleg section at Clarkes.

bootlegimage via amazon.co.uk

20. …And the ridiculously pointless free gift that came with them. #tbt to that weird purple box that was possibly meant for pens?

21. Carrying one of these hotties round like it was the new season Birkin.

Janenorman

image via femalefirst.co.uk

22. … And you got that bag from investing in one of these versatile little puppies.

cardy

image via stylight.co.uk

23. Walking around feeling totally irresistible in amidst a choking haze of Charlie So…Kiss Me, and never being surer that you were a solid 10/10. 

And now, all these years later, we look back and realise that between all the blue mascara, Charlie body spray and aspiring to be fictional drug addicts from a TV show, they were some of the best days of our lives. What are your funniest memories from your school days? Cmon, share your sass tips for future generations….

24 Things All Girlfriends Hear When a Game of Fifa is Being Played

This post comes to you live from my den of procrastination, aka my entire life. I’m still high fiving myself after executing a sublime swerve on a fatty subway breakfast this morning after ducking in for a bottle of water and allowing the sweet sweet smell of all the meatball subs set up camp right inside my nostrils.

It was a near miss, to say the least.

It’s moments like this that remind me that I really need to get my head out of my arse and stop telling people I’ve ‘changed my relationship with food’. I clearly have not.

Anyway, Fifa.

This post has been a long time coming, but I’ve realised enough is enough. Women of the world need to share the mutual despair of that feeling you get when your sweet, loving, (in my case quite shy) boyfriend turns into what appears to be a raging maniac on bail for GBH. The victim to such: the Playstation controllers. Poor bastards. Thrown across the garden, slammed on floors, cursed at the world over.

If I’m honest, I never thought my boyfriend playing Fifa would bother me. I’m not a football hater, far from it. I support Liverpool *bows head in shame and sheds a tear for what could have been* – I was even hella good at Pro Evo, but I’ve now learned that those two words are utter blasphemy, because somewhere along the line Pro Evo got shit and Fifa got good. Well I must’ve had my head firmly wedged in a jar of peanut butter because nobody told me.

Anyway, here’s a bunch of shit my boyfriend does when playing Fifa.

  1. “I’m going to play Fifa for a while”. Translate: I’m about to become as aggressive as Grant Mitchell off Eastenders and make you wonder why we’re together.
  2. *Plays Bayern Munich against Bayern Munich*. Wtf?
  3. “ARGHHHHHHHH.”
  4. “FUCKS SAKE.” U ok hun?
  5. *throws Playstation controller*. “I should never have bought this Playstation. You read my mind.
  6. “WHAT A WASTE OF FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS.” Cost per hour you’ve played it is about 1p so not really.
  7. *punches couch* Mind my upholstery god dammit.
  8. “GET INNNNNN.”
  9. “FUCK YEAH IM FOUR NIL UP”. Good for you huni.
  10. “Great tackle”. Modesty is key, I see. 
  11. “Arrrgh the other player quit the game because I’m winning.” WHO DOES THAT. You. You do that.
  12. FUCKS SAKE I’M FOUR NIL DOWN IM QUITTING. See.
  13. Me: “I am dying/bleeding/am in labour/will have sex with you/am making you dinner/am crying”. Response: “Huh? I can’t pause I don’t have the ball.” Ok kl I’ll just die then.
  14. “I’ve just got Wimbledon FC into the Champions League”. Expect a call from the FA any day now baby.
  15. “ERRRR THAT’S A FOUL!” Was it though?
  16. “FUCKING REF.” Yep defo his fault.
  17. “Ooh yay free kick.”
  18. “FUCKING LAG.” Wtf is lag?
  19. “Fucks sake stupid Playstation.” Oooooor you’re just shit.
  20. “World Class is too hard. I’m going down a level but don’t tell my friends.” I will definitely tell all your friends.
  21. “Woooooo I’m so good at Fifa.”
  22. “Oh WHAT.”
  23. “NOT THERE.” I’ve learned that this is shouted when the console goes on a mad one and apparently doesn’t read your mind and switch you to the player you wanted. 
  24. Me: “Because I’m so totally awesome I spent $80 on a second controller so you can play when Tom comes over.” *Has Tom over to take it in turns to stare at each other playing online on ONE controller.” All the clothes I coulda had with that $80. Sigh.

Gals, the struggle is real. I feel ya.

Ciao x

jay

 

The stages of jet lag: a dazed and confused guide to the weirdest week of your life

Having racked up almost 100,000 miles in air travel over the past two years, I’ve become no stranger to a little jet lag. I thought I had experienced the full throttle after flying back from New York and landing at what felt like 11pm, when it was actually only lunchtime. I foolishly took a nap that afternoon and my body clock was off for about 2 days. Unfortunately, I was naive enough to believe that would have in some way prepared me for what was to come. But sadly not. It hits you in the face the second you step off the plane at your destination, and leaves you waking at varying times of the night wondering where and who you are. For all you know, you could be Michael Jackson’s ghost (which wouldn’t be completely impossible given that I have many a time crashed around the bedroom in the dark trying to get my bearings in a Thriller like fashion).

Anyway, like pretty much everything else, I figured there was probably a funny side to this madness, so I attempted to translate that exact feeling into a progrressional timeline of jet lag, so that, maybe – just maybe, I can help at least one of you realise that making any elaborate plans for the immediate few days following your arrival is a sincere mistake.

Walk the walk. You’re fresh off the plane, you’ve slept, you’ve even mopped your poor economy class brow on a hot cloth handed to you by an air stewardess with bizzare tongs that you assume were manufactured solely for that moment in life, and you think you can nail this. It’s midday local time, and you’re totally ready to chug a skinny capp and stay up until an appropriate bedtime.

 

The slump.

 

The coffee starts to wear off and your body starts preparing for bedtime. Glancing at the clock, you see it strike 5pm and it dawns on you that you’ve got another 5 hours to get through.

via giphy.com

People are talking but you’re completely zoned out. Smile and nod, smile and nod.

via giphy.com

IT’S BED TIME. HURRAHHHHHHH.

via giphy.com

You wake from the deepest sleep, your mouth drier than a quinoa cracker.

via giphy.com

It must be morning, wow, I’ve slept through! NOPE, 3am.

via giphy.com

Time ticks on.

via giphy.com

 

Morning comes. You rise, despite it feeling like the middle of the afternoon given that you started your day 6 hours ago – yet did nothing but lay in bed angry. You try to eat – as they say, eating breakfast helps set your body clock. Before long, you face plant your toast.

via giphy.com

All around you is reassurance. Stories of those who have battled through. How you’ll “be back to normal in a few days”. You look on in disbelief.

via giphy.com

Hours of confusion, a touch of anger and a dash of hallucination later, you decide you can take on the world, and you power through. When you eventually adjust, you half expect a monument to have been erected in your honour, and perhaps a letter from the Queen, but take it from me; HRH must be a little busy tending to the corgis to have mailed my letter, but, you know, I never give up hope.

via giphy.com

For those of you who have read  this thinking, ‘what’s this girl on about? Jet lag isn’t that bad’, count yourselves lucky. Apparently you’re meant to get used to the effects of changing time zones, but 100,000 miles later, I’m yet to see any progression!

 

 

 

40 goals for 2016

After my last post unveiling things that happened in 2015, here’s a bunch more shit that I’d like to achieve in 2016:

1. Stop assuming every twinge in my body is the beginning of my journey to death
2. Eat more grapefruit
3. Stop snoozing my alarm
4. Devise a shorter response to the question, “so what are you doing now?” to avoid trapping people by having to journey back to “so I met this Australian guy” circa 2013
5. Moan about Taylor Swift less
6. Never play beer pong when Captain Morgan is being added to the shit mix
7. Try a different club on Chapel St that isn’t Revellers
8. Moan about Metro Trains less
9. Actually decide whether or not to stick to soy milk
10. Stop buying specific individual items that I’ll never wear, just to recreate an outfit I saw on Pinterest
11. Stop thinking I like baking
12. Stop spending days baking and then throwing a tantrum that I can’t eat the cakes because I’m fat
13. Accept that Shapes aren’t a healthy snack
14. Remember that Kiwi fruits are a natural laxative before going into work
15. Learn when not to make jokes
16. Remember to buy my passion pop in advance of wanting it so I bag it for the reasonable fee of $4.90 and avoid the tantrum in the local bottle shop upon seeing that they’re charging $10 for it
17. Throw less tantrums – a newly added item after writing this list and realising I have them too often for a 24 year old
18. Don’t try on new clothes after a big dinner and then cry about being a pig and storm off to the gym
19. Join a gym with air con
20. Actually do my posture exercises and try to sit up straighter to get off the road to being a hunchback
21. Try to accept that just because I have a headache, the chances are it’s not a brain tumour
22. Stop telling people the story about how David Lloyd wouldn’t let me join the gym over Christmas
23. Accept that Starbucks in Australia tasted like crap and stop buying it
24. Decide whether or not to buy an iPad
25. Decide what type of writer I want to be
26. Take a digital marketing and SEO course
27. Stop thinking that my financial management elective and my AS level in accounting is enough, and just get an accountant
28. Either stop telling people I can speak Spanish better than I actually can, or learn it properly
29. Stop insulting Australians
30. Accept that I’ll never be able to pull off “sick” as an adjective
31. Find something new to be cynical about now that Downton Abbey is over
32. Get more manicures
33. Stop comparing how much things cost in the UK
34. Tell more people about how cork hats were designed to keep flies out your face
35. Skype friends more
36. Mention my boyfriend’s dad in more blogs because as it turns out he bloody loves it
37. Actually use insect repellent
38. Stop offering to bring a dessert to family dinners and then end up in tears after failed tart number four slides shamelessly into the bin
39. Understand that it’s really not the right time to get a Corgi yet
40. Stop boring people with talk about what visa I’m applying for

I hope you all had a fabulous Christmas and are still yelping in physical pain on your sofa at the sheer volume of food you ate. Good job. New Year is coming, so drink to a brilliant end to 2015 and a year ahead of health and happiness to all.

Love always,

Coco xx

soymilk