27 things you will have said if you’re from Ringwood

Bonjour. I’m bashing this post out from my warm, toasty couch on a Saturday evening full to the neckline of prosecco and cheese after a corker of a lunch at Renoufs in Westbourne – so please excuse any omissions in grammar perfection, won’t you. For anyone who saw my recent Facebook status, you’ll know where the inspo for this has come from. On my way to lunch today, I was pootling along the forest roads out of Ringwood when me and my little Peugeot were reduced to the hair raising speed of 5mph – because two horses were trotting along the side of the road. As I was picking my friend up from the train station, I was concerned I was going to be late. Chuckling to myself, I thought, wow, I’m going to have to say I’m late because of a horse. Yep, a HORSE. This got me thinking – what other hilarious sentences come out of the mouths of those of us from Ringwood? Here they come:

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Image via thenewforest.co.uk

  1. “Sorry, I’m late, I was stuck behind a horse on my way here”.
  2. “I GOT A PARKING SPACE AT WAITROSE ON A SATURDAY.”
  3. “Well Jules, I was going to pop to HSBC yesterday but of course, I couldn’t – it was market day!”
  4. “Gosh, The Furlong is really coming up isn’t it.”
  5. “I just don’t understand how TOYS is still in business.”
  6. “Remember when Caffe Nero was Cosmetique!?”
  7. “Oh, that car mechanic is in Parkside” Where’s that? “You know, off Christchurch Road.” Nope? “Near Texaco.” Nope. “Where the carnival starts.” OH YEAH THERE. 
  8. “Remember London Discounts?”
  9. “Well the problem was, Jemeima’s friend Molly was out of catchment for Ringwood school. She ended up at Twynham”. Oh gosh how terrible for her. 
  10. “I saw Howard [Donald] yesterday” Oh really, where? “Waitrose”.
  11. “You’ll never guess who I saw yesterday – John Clees!” Oh wow, where? “Waitrose”.
  12. “I had to pick up some lightbulbs, masking tape, a watch battery and a dog toy, so I popped into Johnny Junks”.
  13. “Whoops, I mean Ringwood Surplus Stores!”
  14. “FREE PRAWN CRACKERS FROM THE CHINESE. GET IN”.
  15. “I STILL just can’t believe it’s not a 50mph limit on the A31 yet”.
  16. “I still look at Iceland and think of Woolworths.”
  17. “Christmas just isn’t the same without Woolworths is it?”
  18. “I knocked my exhaust off going over the cattle grid last week.”
  19. “Well we were going to book Disneyland for September but of course it’s Carnival isn’t it.”
  20. “I miss walking round the corner, seeing Cat Weasel and almost crapping my pants”.
  21. “Don’t get me wrong, I like the new Framptons, but I miss the old one”.
  22. “Who actually goes in Jaeger?”
  23. “Where are you watching the Carnival?!”
  24. “Those public toilets have come a long way since there used to be diarrhoea up the walls”.
  25. “I’m surprised the back entrance of Boots lasted so long! Woolworths had to shut theirs because of break ins incase you didn’t already know!!!!!”.
  26. “The Santa parade has been called off due to bad weather”.
  27. “I bloody love Ringwood!”.

C xx

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A Secluded Sanctuary: Limewood Hotel, New Forest

Today’s post is one I have been meaning to do for a couple of weeks now. Its a gorgeous spot in the New Forest that I just have to tell you about. While I constantly plug the bright lights and the big city of London, and am not usually a countryside, middle of nowhere type of girl (despite having grown up there), this spot is a haven for relaxation and luxury, and one of the few exceptions to my rule.

Limewood Hotel, based in Lyndhurst in Hampshire, surrounded by green forests and neighbours to a whole host of wildlife, is a Regency county manor house. On site is a luxury spa, Max’s Bar (home to the best Martini in Hampshire) and15 boutique bedrooms and 14 delectable suites, many boasting private gardens, open fires, and glamourous bathing facilities.

My recent visit was for Afternoon Tea for my 22nd birthday, and I can tell you, it was certainly better than a lot of teas you will find in London (yes, you heard it here, I badmouthed London. Don’t tell anyone!). At £23.00 per stand (which includes four finger sandwiches, two scones and four cakes), you can share one between two people, and its just the perfect amount. The scones were fresh and warm, and the cake selection was one of the best I have ever tasted. The best part has got to be between the tiny plant pot (yes, plant pot) of rich chocolate mousse, and the smooth, moist carrot cake cubes, so definitely save those ’til last! They also offer huge range of loose leaf teas to choose from (though I admit I was boring and stuck to English Breakfast), and we also sampled their lattes. As self confessed coffee addicts, we can be hard to please, but the sleek glass tumbler of rich, smoothly blended beans really did impress.

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Picture: My own

The service is faultless, and I don’t think the words ‘short staffed’ and Limewood have ever been used in the same sentence. There are elegant, waistcoat wearing barmen on every corner, and a blonde haired young chap donning a tan leather greeted us at our car (which we were able to park on the lawn, might we add) and showed us through to the Hartnett and Holder Co. restaurant.

The hand lotion in the bathrooms is to die for, and you’d be missing out if you didn’t explore the grounds during your visit. Open plan and natural without being overwhelming, the grounds of the hotel boast two tree swings (oh yes!), floral trellises, quiet seating areas, patio terrace and sculptures.

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Pictures: My own

I am yet to sample the Herb House Spa, which opened in late 2010, so is still brand spanking new. Amidst peaceful treatment rooms and sun beds surrounding the outdoor steaming hot bubble pool, the spa offers a Mud House, Hydropool, Caldariam, Massive Forest Sauna, and an indoor swimming pool.

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Picture from: Limewood Hotel Website

For £195 per person, the retreat for two includes a choice of various massage or facial treatments, Mud House, set lunch in Raw and Cured (spa restaurant) and full use of the spa facilities all day.

This place is a real treat. Even if you’re next pay cheque is going on car repairs or rent, pop in for a coffee or a cocktail. The grounds sell themselves and you’ll get to enjoy the relaxing atmosphere before booking in your spa day or mini break 😉

Oh, and follow Limewood Hotel on Twitter @LimewoodHotel, and Instagram @limewoodhotel! (And meeee, if you want to! @Scrambled_Emma!)

Toodles

Coco

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Picture: My own

Im wearing: Baroque cigarette trousers, Next; nude peep toes, New Look; chiffon camisole, Primark (whoops); white blazer, Next; cube necklace, Accessorise.